Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
