just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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