what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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