Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
