I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
