So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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