I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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