Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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