last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
