I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
