Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
That accounts for only three of the penises
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
