we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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