I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
