epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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