I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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