dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just come out here and I will go home with you...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
