i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
