Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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