Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
