if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
