Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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