i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize