In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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