So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
