Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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