He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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