I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
