I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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