My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
