HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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