I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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