my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize