Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
