I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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