But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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