Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
