Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
