Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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