Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
