what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
