Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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