You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
