why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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