can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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