guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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