just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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