Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
