I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
