end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When did we convert life to cartoon?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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