I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
