you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize