I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize