.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
