College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
time to smoke my breakfast
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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