I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
