That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
