I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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