is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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