I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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