she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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