you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
