i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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