Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
