she woke up with a sticky ear
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
