im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize