Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
