It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
