i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
