I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
