She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
