I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
