My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have aggressive nipples.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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